I've always liked Australia.  I've always thought of it as Canada's backward, upside down cousin, adorably tucked away on the ass end of the planet.  Both countries managed to overcome their humble colonial beginnings and throw off those shackles of English oppression we found most inconvenient (Canada: lack of a representative government and non-fluoridated water; Australia: actual shackles) to eventually become what we are today, namely the nagging middle powers the U.N. doesn't like to invite to parties.

Where our paths have diverged most notably, however, is in the area of sport.  While Australians have poured enormous resources into inventing sports out of whole cloth, like "Aussie Rules Football" (what, our rules weren't good enough?), "Netball" and "Cricket" and take their sports very seriously, Canada has decided it would be far better not to be known as That Place Where Everything Can Kill You and allocated funding accordingly.  The result being, whereas Canada is a very much nicer and less lethal place to live, Australia has become an Olympic powerhouse across multiple disciplines.  To each his own, says I.

But they've never struck me as sore losers.  Until now.

So with the (FIRST PLACE!  WOOT!!) Ottawa Senators disbanded for the next two weeks and the only Olympic sport anyone really cares about whether they'd admit it or not still a day away, I thought I'd avail myself of the opportunity to go a little off-topic and set Oz straight on a thing or two.

Alex Bilodeau won the first gold medal for the home team on Canadian soil ever.  He did it by pwning a dilettante ex-Canadian who couldn't cut it here and whored himself out to The Southern Cross, a dilettante described by turns as "mysterious", "reserved" and "standoffish", and more recently, as "the asshole responsible for crashing my computer and stealing my identity".  Apparently, the dilettante's apologists disagree:

There was word on Monday that the Australians may protest the moguls final.  The Aussie camp felt Bilodeau, the first Canadian to win an Olympic gold medal on home soil, was given turn scores from two judges that were too high.  “My own opinion is probably that Alex is not capable of a 4.8 or 4.9 for turns,’’ said Australian team high performance director Geoff Lipshut. “He’s just not capable.” -- Ottawa Sun

He is, and he did.  He was also faster and pulled off more difficult air than "your" Golden Boy.  So do me a favour, Australia.  Shut your fucking pieholes.

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