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I have been remiss in my posts of late, and for that I apologize to both of you (Hi Mom!). I don't really have a good excuse, so just chalk it up to a combination of laziness and the lightheaded giddyness that naturally follows from a six (SIX!!!) game win streak. Mostly that one.
What shook me from my SIX!!! game win streak stupor was this bit of unintentional comedy from everybody's favourite Rubenesque rumour monger, Bruce "Hey, Look What I Pulled Out Of My Ass At Deadline" "Malkin To The Kings" Garrioch.
According to the voices drifting up from Boo Boo's shower drain that only he can hear, the Sens are "buyers" in the run up to the trade deadline. Uh-huh. Okay. I'll play along.
To make this easier (natch), let us forget for the moment the twin facts that a) due to a ridiculous number of injuries The Bryan would be hard pressed to slide a Brian Lee newly hatched pube between his current payroll and the salary cap without giving up a roster player (and comparable salary) in return and b) we actually possess something other teams might want. Just forget all that. Hey, it's easy! No, really, Bruce did.
So who amongst our Brave Heroes must stay, could go, or be given away to the first panting whore who drunk dials The Euge's car service? I'm looking at you, Tambellini.
Hilarity (or a totally unreasonable facsimile and lack thereof) ensues after the jump.
The Untouchables:
Daniel Alfredsson: What, are you new?
Milan Michalek: The only faint glimmery hope of any return on Fuckstick-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named (also known as "If this doesn't work Bryan, please turn in your building pass to the nice gentleman wearing the gun"). Apologies to those of you holding out hope on that Sharks' second round pick.
Jason Spezza: Yes, he drives me batshit insane. Yes, I've called for his exile on at least one memorable occasion. But unless you're willing to blow up the entire season, you'd replace him with...who?
Mike Fisher: Absolute effort on ever shift. Career year, current slump notwithstanding (note to CiCi...third line resuscitation may not be the best plan). Will do anything and everything he is asked, up to and including self evisceration if it means a win. Endless Princess Leia references. Unapologetic man crush. Seriously Bryan. You wouldn't like me when I'm stabby.
Chris Philips: Ladies and gentlemen, your next Captain.
Anton Volchenkov: Openly mock everyone who tells you we should trade him for picks and prospects just because he's UFA come July (sorry Nichols), there is nobody tougher than The Bear. And thanks to Gary's stupidity in negotiating the salary cap with the NHLPA, a Hossa-esque front loaded 7 years, and $35M, with a pro-rated signing bonus ought to do it. If only as a reward for this.
The Kids: Furbligno, Great Dane and Zack Smith. Notice the rather conspicuous omission here.
Everyone currently toiling in Bingo not named Brian Lee: Our collective recovery from John Muckler induced PTSD continues apace.
Jared Cowen: You'll thank me the first time we're treated to the broken body of Nazem Kadri being carted off ACC ice.
Robin Lehner: Hands up everybody who thinks Pascal Leclaire can lead us to the Promise Land within the next three years! Yeah, thought so...
Ryan Shannon, Chris Neil, Jarkko Ruutu, Matt Carkner: Just because I love these guys.
I'm Listening...:
Erik Karlsson: Aaaand...collective gasp! I have no doubt that this will come back to bite us on the ass in five years or so, but little people on the back end don't win you Cups, no matter how gifted they are on the first pass (which remains but a theory at this pont), especially on a team lousy with small D-Men. Have we learned nothing from '07 and Chris Pronger's flying elbows of death? Gimme picks and prospects and he's yours.
Chris Kelly: Two words...Zack. Smith. Cheaper, younger, bigger, meaner. Sorry Chris.
Shean Donovan: A warrior in the twilight of his career deserving of a shot at a Cup with a true contender. Will accept a third round pick in return. You're welcome SheanDon. We'll miss you.
Please, for the love of God and Mike Milbury, just take them!: The following players will be auctioned off to the highest bidder. No reserve price. Bags of pucks, racks of sticks, a little bit of tape and various livestock accepted as fair trade:
- Filip Kuba: Gack...and yargh....
- Alex Picard: "unlimited potential" is code for "will drive coaching staff, management and ownership to self mutilation".
- Brian Lee: From this day forward, all cut bait in the Greater Ottawa Area shall hence forth be known as "Mark Staal".
- Chris Campoli: I'm sensing a theme here....
- Jonathan Cheechoo: Do everybody a favour. Retire.
Bottom Line:
Sorry to bust anybody's bubble, and with deep and heartfelt apologies to anyone who thinks The Bryan is "a buyer" in some misguided push for glory (Want to know why I hate people? Read the comments following Boo Boo's little missive...I particularly like the "Cheechoo is just UNLUCKY" argument), what you see is what you get Sens fans.
The best thing The Bryan can do is maintain the status quo. We should make the playoffs, and hell, may even put a scare into Pittsburgh, Buffalo, New Jersey or whomever else we're destined to provide first round fodder for. But for now, we are what we are, namely an overachieving offence, desperate to cover up for an atrocious D and there isn't a trade in the world that will change that. At least for this year, and maybe even next.
Two years from now? See you in the Final bitches. Bank it.
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Now that that's out of the way, I really feel that you're giving a little too much credit to "the kids". I know they are still young, yadda yadda, but if you truly expect them to be any more than lifers on the 3rd line, we'll need to get some green tea and methadone to wean you off the junk.
Furbligno will be his dad, although a lot less pretty (which is saying something), yes, that was great for the Sabres and the Laffs back in the day, but when this team requires secondary scoring, I'm not sure he;s a guy to look to.
Regin has "Mike Fisher without the gigantic balls" upside, so 20+20 in a healthy season with a few bodies flung hither and fro on the way.
The problem is that very soon, they will require Chris Kelly type money, and at that point, will their production warrant it?
~MFP2