The hirsute fellow on the left (sorry, couldn't find a better picture) is one Mister Eli Wilson, reputed goaltending coach for the Ottawa Senators.  You do remember how Mister Wilson came by that lofty position, don't you?  No?  Well then, a brief recap...

Following the 2006-2007 season in which Ray Emery posted a scintillating 33-16-6 record, a .918 save percentage and, lest we forget, a run to the Stanley Cup Final under part-time goalie coach Ron Lowe, Ray-Ray took it upon himself to ensure his good buddy Eli became gainfully employed.  That summer he let it be known in no uncertain terms that he and Eli were now a package deal, and unless the team wanted a very unhappy man-child between the pipes, management would act accordingly.  So in August of that year The Bryan, fresh off his own palace coup you may recall and with silver plated visions of going back to Big Dance in his head, summarily jetisoned Ron Lowe over the side and welcomed one Mister Eli Wilson as the new full-time goaltender guru.  Ray-Ray repaid this organizational largesse by promptly shitting the bed while becoming a gigantic attention whoring ass pimple.

Ray-Ray went to Russia.  Eli stayed.  And our goaltending has sucked moose testicles ever since.

So after last night's Snoopy meltdown in Washington, I thought I'd forego my usual game recap (there are only so many different ways I can say "YOU SUCK!" before I'm reduced to indiscriminate nun punching) in favour of a gander at Mister Wilson's glorious contributions to the betterment of all Sens kind.

I warn you.  It ain't pretty.

First, the naked stats, broken down by season:

2006-2007 (1 B.E.)
Ray Emery: 33-16-6, 2.47 GAA, .918 SV%
Martin Gerber: 15-9-3, 2.78 GAA, .906 SV%
Final Standing: Lost Stanley Cup Final 4-1 to Anaheim
Head Coaches fired: 0

2007-2008 (1 A.E.)
Martin Gerber: 30-18-4, 2.72 GAA, .910 SV%
Ray Emery: 12-13-4, 3.13 GAA, .890 SV%
Final Standing: Lost 1st round 4-0 to Pittsburgh
Head Coaches fired: 1

2008-2009 (2 A.E.)
Alex Auld: 16-18-7, 2.47 GAA, .911 SV%
Brian Elliott: 16-8-3, 2.77 GAA, .902 SV%
Martin Gerber: 4-9-1, 2.86 GAA, .899 SV%
Final Standing: Who cares.  Didn't make the playoffs.
Head Coaches fired: 1

2009-2010 (3 A.E.)
Pascal Leclaire: 11-8-1, 2.94 GAA, .893 SV%
Brian Elliott: 10-10-3, 2.86 GAA, .898 SV%
Final Standing: TBD, but it doesn't look good
Head Coaches fired: None, if The Bryan knows what's good for him.

Now I'm no math wiz.  Lord knows there are any number of retired, alcohol ravaged high school math teachers who will testify to that between bouts of helpless rage.  But it would seem to me that a rising GAA and a falling save percentage is bad.  Very, very bad.  And yet, there it is.  Every. Single. Fucking. Season.

But that doesn't give us a complete picture, nor can those sorry numbers be pinned solely on the guy wearing the big pillows on his legs (Messrs. Corvo, Commodore, Smith, Lee, Kuba, Campoli, Picard, Karlsson...front and centre!).

But what of the absurd number of soft goals?  The early goals?  The late goals?  The utterly soul crushing late soft goals in a tight game when we absolutely had to have the save?  What about those?  Who do we blame for those?  Easy.  We blame the goalies themselves.  They're the ones trotted out in front of the cameras and publicly pilloried for destroying our hopes and dreams, right?  Sure.

But it's always the same.  Year, after year, after year.  So what, or who is the constant?  Eli Wilson.  God help us if he ever gets his hands on Robin Lehner.

Above all else, a coach's job is to make his or her players better.  Marginal players become good, good players great and great players become superstars.  Bad coaches at best maintain the statusquo, or at worse, manufacture a regression through their own incompetence or hubris.  Emery, Gerber, Auld, Elliott, and now, Pascal Leclaire.

So I'll ask again.  Why does this man still have a job?

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