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Good citizens of Kanata, please do not be alarmed. That noise you heard at roughly 10:30 last night was not roving gangs of Nepean teens hell bent on acts of wanton jaywalking and the mocking of your beige car holes, as had been previously reported, but the sound of 23 luxury automobiles peeling out of the SBP players lot and away from the scene of the crime. Please return to your homes and places of business.
Or better yet, join me as I jump to conclusions.
The Highs:
Who was that masked man?: The 31-28 shot count doesn't tell the whole story, does it? No, it does not. Not when so many of those 31 Hab shots came from point blank range with tri-colour clad forwards, defencemen and the occasional mascot standing serenely three feet away, seemingly unmolested by our so-called "defence". And that's not counting the posts, fanned one timers, and shots both high and wide. Oh, and then there was the inexplicably incompetent short handed TWO-ON-NOTHING breakaway surrendered by the ever gracious hosts. I fully expect the lot of you to be sporting Snoopy tattoos on your foreheads by the end of the week.
Here's hoping that whoever said "You gotta be good to be lucky" was right: I've always liked Ryan Shannon. There's just something about his flat out, madly-off-in-all-directions game I find endearing, probably because he looks so much like a kitten with the rips. Plus the boy has some serious wheels. So it was nice to see one of the few guys who looked like they gave a shit finally get a goal, even if it came from a blind blueline lob through nine players to get it.
Jam THAT in your cornhole, Kerry: Speaking of the few who cared last night, anybody else want to keep bitching that Neiler is overpaid? Yeah, thought not.
The Lows:
So what the hell have you been doing for the last 85 days??: Kovy, on getting snubbed by the Russian Olympic team...
"It's good for me too. Definitely it would be nice to be in the Olympics, but 10 days rest won't hurt". -- Ottawa Citizen
Make of this what you will.
In the old days, we'd just take you out behind the barn and shoot ya: Were you aware that a goal can be disallowed if a player is "too deep" in the crease? No? Neither was I. And neither was Kerry Fraser, apparently, because he waved off Fish's goal due to the "incidental contact" between Neiler and Halak only he saw. Upon seeing the replay, the League trolls in Toronto went above and beyond in saving Kerry's crumbling mental acuity by upholding the wave off, citing the not-at-all-pulled-out-of-their-collective-asses "too deep in the crease" rule. Setting aside the question as to how in hell a player is supposed to know what "too deep" is for the moment, I would like to suggest that it may be time for Kerry to hang 'em up. And take McCreary with you. Lord knows we won't miss all of those non-called hooks, holds and slashes.
And great consternation and calumny shall be loosed upon the land: Look, I'm not saying that the Habs didn't deserve at least one power play last night, but the howls of indignant outrage each and every time a Canadiens player hit the ice for whatever reason were truly spectacular. Seriously, people. As fans of what is widely regarded as hockey's classiest franchise, it's beneath you. Grow up.
Pithy Observations of Questionable Importance:
Your delightful Gary Gally Yogi Berra tribute of the night: "You should always try to use the frontal part of your body when blocking shots". Um...no thanks Gary. There are a few bits on the frontal part of my body I would really prefer not to have pulverized by hypersonic flying frozen rubber. If it's all the same to you, I'd much rather sacrifice the huge hairy rearal part of my body.
SBP...terrorizing innocent passers by since 2009: First Snoopy, then Carry Price. Note to all coaches. In order to avoid the scourge of deflected pucks maiming goaltenders sitting on your bench, it is advised that you now keep them in a lead lined safe in the loading dock, at least until the exorcism. Just remember to drill the air holes.
The Creamy Middle:
Flat out stole one to grab the two points, and more important, keep a fellow Eastern Conference playoff hopeful safely behind us. And until The Captain, Giggles and Furbligno make their triumphant return from injury, I'm perfectly fine with grand larceny as a winning philosophy. When April rolls around and the seeds are set, nobody will remember how we got there.
Up Next:
The brutal schedule continues apace with Not-Yo-Daddy's Colorado Avalanche paying a visit to The Bank tomorrow night, the first in yet another back-to-back. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing NHLers in the Olympics, but seriously Gary, would it have killed you to start the season a couple of weeks earlier to compensate? Maybe...oh I don't know...lose three of the utterly ridiculous SIX pre-season games? I'm sure Flin Flon wouldn't be too upset about missing out on an exhibition of third string talent. That, and it would spare me from Beloved's increasingly arched brow whenever I utter the words "Game night!". (7:00pm, TSN)
Behind Enemy Lines:
Of late, our Bloguin Overlords have been amassing a stable of absolutely kick-ass hockey blogs over the last little while. One of the latest Blogger legends to make the jump is the delightfully hilarious JibbleScribbits, so go say hi. And maybe apologize in advance.
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