Traditionally, the season's first meaningful measuring stick is the 20 game mark.  You hear it all the time.  GMs will say "We plan on giving it twenty games before deciding on what kind of team we have".  Coaches will ask us to park our criticism of any given player until that magical milestone and "let him get twenty games under his belt to find his rhythm" before we haul out the torches and pitchforks.  Conversely, fans will in turn query the Coach thusly: "He's played twenty fucking games!  When will you make Kovy him stop sucking?!?!"

So why, you may ask, am I throwing this out now after only seventeen games?  A couple-three reasons, really.  One, premature evaluation is very real and can happen to anyone.  No, really.  Anyone.

Two, I have no earthly idea what to make of this team and waiting another three games probably isn't going to change that.

And lastly, three more games like yesterday, or worse, like Thursday's "effort" against the Flyers, will render me completely incapable of typing anything but expletives punctuated with long strings of exclamation points.

And really, nobody wants that.  Well, except maybe for leaf fans.

Offense:

It's my iron clad belief that you can't measure a forward's worth by points alone.  This of course is due mostly to my illustrious minor hockey career in which I was the equivalent to the centre fielder in Little League baseball (Sure you can play, Timmy.  Just go stand out there, would you?  No, deeper.  A little deeper.  A little more... Great!  Now for the love of God, don't touch anything) so what follows is based more on observation, intuition and gut feeling than a cold reading of the stats sheets.  I like to call it the Bust His Ass To Do Whatever It Takes Index.  With one notable exception...

• Canonize 'em: Alfie, Fish and Giggles.  As I've mentioned before, I haven't seen this kind of jump out of The Captain since the run to the Final.  Whether his 37 year old legs can keep it up for another sixty-five games is a question I'd rather not dwell on, thank you.  My Man Fish is rebounding rather nicely from last year, don't you think (Erin)?  Apology accepted.  And Jason continues to be inspired by the Olympic torch burning under his ass.  How nice.  Hopefully his new found love of defence will stick around even after he doesn't make the team.
  
  
• Play 'em more: Shean Donovan.  For the life of me, I can't understand why Cory keeps scratching this guy.  In the ten games he's played, the Sens have either been in it right to the end or won outright, and it is due in no small part to the special kind of fourth line crash and chaos SheanDon brings.
  
  
• Keep on keepin' on: Milan, Roto, Neiler, Regin, Nicky.  Congratulations, gentlemen.  By doing exactly what is expected of you while keeping the stupid to a minimum (Chris) I don't begrudge you your respective cap hits.  Even you, Peter.
  
  
• Bench 'em: Alex Kovalev.  I thought I knew what to expect.  I began my zen-like meditation the day the signing was announced.  I was sure I could handle it.  Turns out I can't.  Huh, whaddya know.  I'm as surprised as you are.
  
  
• Trade bait: Shannon, Kelly.  Here's a little hint Ryan.  When you're 5'9", sexy speed better not be all you bring to the game.  The odd completed pass would be good too.  And as for K-Rok...sorry dude.  Jesse Winchester and his much smaller contract would like to inform you that he is rather tired of the press box and is more than capable of filling your role as the designated 4th line turnover machine.
  
  
• Put us both out of our misery and just cut him: CiCi has tried him on all four lines.  On the powerplay.  In just about any situation you can think of, all in an effort to get him going.  Nothing has worked, and it looks like nothing ever will.  Watching him stumble and lurch his way through an unsuccessful "breakaway" yesterday left me with only one logical conclusion.  No matter how nice a guy Jonathan Cheechoo is (and we're constantly told he's just the swellest dude evah!), injuries and a shot psyche dictates that his days as a bona fide NHLer are done.

Defence:

Hands up, all of you who have ever doubted A-Train's value or why The Bryan needs to squeeze The Emperor's wallet until it screams in order to sign him to a long term deal.  Thank you.  Now look at the results over the last seven games since Anton went out with a busted elbow.  Thank you again.  Now kindly go punch yourselves in the face.

By God but this is a sorry bunch without him.  Other than Big Rig, Hammer (his continuing mission to rearrange the faces of the League's more egregious fucksticks buys him a pass) and to a lesser (and extremely grudging) extent, Kuba, the rest of them can go rot for all I care.  Why?  They're all cast from the same fucking mould.  Campoli (ugh), Picard (glurgh), Lee (GAAAAH!)...all of them!  What they lack in skill they more than make up for in incompetence and gawd awful fundamentals.

If you can't (or won't...Brian) hit anybody, you damn well better know how to angle somebody off.  If you can't hold on to the puck in the face of a crushing forecheck, then you'd better damn well know how to get it to a safe spot to clear the zone rather than panic and throw it blindly into the slot.  Conversely, if you can't set a subtle pick and slow down said forechecker, then you damn well better know where to go to support the poor bastard you've hung out to dry and give him an outlet.   If your only response to a forward parked in the crease is to wave your stick at the puck, THEN GET THE FUCK OFF MY TEAM!

Seriously.  Come back Anton.  Soon.

Goaltending:

Of all the positions I thought would cause us the least amount of grief this year, this was it.  And for the first few games, it looked as if our faith in the Snoopy/Elliott tandem was totally justified.  But it seems I may have underestimated the Vortex of Suck that surrounds this franchise and its goalies.  Snoopy has looked by turns brilliant, or positively Gerber-esque...while Brian remains what he is, namely an overachieving seventh round pick.  The one constant in the aforementioned Vortex spanning Emery, Gerber, Auld and now Pascal?  Sens goalie "coach" Eli Wilson.  Hmmmm....

Coaching:

It always kills me when I hear the Talking Heads say something like "They played a perfect road game" after the visitors squeak out a win.  Why?  Why is a road game any different from a home game?  Is there something fundamentally different to being on the road?  Do I have to go Hoosiers on everybody's ass and pull out a tape measure?  The net's the same size.  The ice is the same size.  So, what the hell is the difference??

On Thursday night, in Philly, the suppurating cyst that is Pierre Maguire commented on how the Senators played "a perfect road period" after coming out of the first tied at zero (you know what would have been even more perfect, Pierre?  A lead!).  This brilliant piece of analysis was born of CiCi's decision to play a passive 1-2-2 box whenever the Flyers had possession.  In contrast, yesterday, at home against the Rangers, Coach was sending two guys in in order create turnovers in the offensive zone.  Results?  We get waxed 5-1 by the Flyers and push the Rangers to a shootout to steal a point.

Cory, last season you made your bones and earned that fat contract extension (not to mention the adoration of a skeptical populace) by ripping up Hartsburg's defensive game plan and installing a crazy forecheck while showing us that the game could be fun to watch again.

In other words, trust your instincts, no matter where the game is being played.  It's the same ice, for Christ's sake.  Dance with the lady what brung ya.

The Creamy Middle:

It's easy to say that we should all be patient, that the team is still trying to find itself, and that once it does, all will be sunshine and lollipops.  It would be easy to say, and very, very wrong.  On the off chance that you haven't noticed, we haven't beaten anybody.  Wins against also-rans like Tampa, Atlanta, the Islanders or even the Habs (sorry guys) may feel good, but as long as we keep giving away points to the teams we'll need to beat to make the playoffs during what is reputed to be the "soft" part of the schedule no less, we haven't done shit.

The good news is that for the first time in forever, the boys are playing like they care.  The leaders are leading, the guys who are expected to contribute are doing their part (ahem...well, except for this guy) and we're beating the teams we're supposed to beat.

The bad news?  There's a very real possibility that this is as good as this team gets. It wasn't supposed to be this way.

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