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"I was at a function with a group of hockey miscreants, and I include myself in there, and was told that Heatley is telling people that he doesn't want to go back to Ottawa because of the alleged, rampant drug use. And I had not heard that and I thought it was strange because as you remember a couple of years ago, there were three Senators who were allegedly on tape, involved in an alleged purchase of some of that Peruvian marching powder and of course they couldn't arrest them, or wouldn't arrest them because they didn't catch them with it on their person..." -- Bill Watters on "Leaf's Lunch" (glove tap to ASB)
Um...wow. Okay, then. Let's talk about how many ways this statement is all kinds of batshit crazy, shall we? Starting with the walking birth defect who uttered it.
For those of you happily unafflicted, Bill Watters was born, raised, and "educated" in Toronto. In fact, I'm not entirely sure he's ever set foot outside of the GTA.
Anyway, having ditched a teaching career to become a player agent (mentored by none other than noted felon Alan Eagleson), our hero somehow eventually found himself invested with the title of "Assistant General Manager" of the Toronto Maple Leafs. It's hard to know exactly what his responsibilities or accomplishments were at that point, as all mention of his tenure seems to have been expunged from the official Leafs website. My money is on flossing Cliff Fletcher's dentures, but I digress.
For the past few years, when not busy sending his idiot son to run Ottawa's football teams into the ground, he's been bloviating on several Toronto media outlets (AM640 and SportsNet Ontario, most notably), decrying in rabid, spittle flying, Buzz Bissinger-esque fashion, all things Ottawa Senators (one of my favourites was his SportsNet tirade on how The Bryan was an incorrigible idiot for not trading Spezza for Nikolai Khabibulin...four games into last season). Ordinarily, I'd just ignore anything he says as the brainless, pus filled spewings of a giant ass pimple desperate to be noticed so he can somehow get back into the League (PMag and Mike Milbury are also charter members of this pathetic little fraternity) and be done with it. But this time...
"I was at a function with a group of hockey miscreants, and I include myself in there, and was told that Heatley is telling people that he doesn't want to go back to Ottawa because of the alleged, rampant drug use": Yep. Putting aside my suspicion that this "function" consisted entirely of homeless vagrants downing quarts of 50 while thumb wrestling for the last pickled egg in the tavern, nothing denotes credibility like an opening statement that says "I know a guy who knows a guy". Sorry to break it to you, Bill, but it's called "hearsay" and entire, not to mention very successful websites are dedicated to holding those kind of things up as the crock of shit they are. And "rampant" is a rather strong word, conjuring as it does the image of The Captain doing rails off the thighs of a strung out hooker after the warm up. Luckily you throw in a gratuitous "alleged" to cover your fat ass, eh?
"...because as you remember a couple of years ago, there were three Senators who were allegedly on tape...": Actually, no Bill. No, I don't remember. If such a tape existed, AND if even the likes of a gutter trolling snipe such as yourself were aware of its existence, I can't imagine it staying out of the media very long. You would, of course, be perfectly willing to produce this "tape" to back up your allegations, wouldn't you? Because otherwise, this might be viewed as rather slanderous, no? Oops! There's that word "alleged" again, you sly dog, you.
"...and of course they couldn't arrest them, or wouldn't arrest them because they didn't catch them with it on their person...": I'm not a police officer. I have no idea what the rules surrounding probable cause are. But from my vast experience watching COPS between periods of another Leafs loss, I have to say, not arresting drug users because they didn't "catch them with it on their person", especially in light of this "alleged" (did you like that?) video tape, strikes me as a rather unusual. Remarkable restraint, that. Of course, you have proof of this, don't you Bill? Otherwise, I'd hate to think you were implying that the Ottawa Police were corrupt enough to let a few pro hockey players skate on an obvious possession charge.
As I've said before, I'm usually rather careful to avoid ad hominem attacks on people I disagree with. I try very hard to respect people's right to spout whatever nonsense they wish, no matter how idiotic (all the better to avoid being hoisted by my own petard, I say). But this goes a titch too far beyond the pale. Tell me Bill. Did it hurt when you pulled this out of your ass?
I'm with Duff on this one. Why hasn't anyone in the MSM called Watters on this? Where's the outrage?
And more to the point, as damaging as these statements can be to the reputation of the organization as a whole, why hasn't The Emperor threatened to sue this ass clown into a cardboard box? I'd pay good money to see that.
But then, what do I know? I'm just one of those filthy, unaccountable bloggers.
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Considering how pliant the ottawa media is I would not be surprised if they didn't mention anything. If the police did nothing then would it be the first time that they let a city's star get away with a crime? Erin Nicks also suggested that some of the senators players were fans of playing in the snow.
Let's be honest, this isn't the first time that the senators-coke story comes up. But if it's all false let's get Melnyk on the horn and in the courtroom.